


Gay Disaster Friends

by ZiraFell



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec and Aline are gay disasters, F/F, Fluff and Humor, I'm Bad At Titles, M/M, Shadowhunters try to guess lorenzos warlock mark and its a disaster, WLW & MLM Solidarity, references to born to endless night
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-10
Updated: 2019-06-10
Packaged: 2020-04-23 22:01:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19159840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZiraFell/pseuds/ZiraFell
Summary: In which Andrew babysits his friends,  Alec and Aline despair about their partners hotness, Magnus thinks Alec is just the cutest thing, and Lorenzo loves attention.





	Gay Disaster Friends

**Author's Note:**

> Not Beta'd.
> 
> This is probably awful lmao but Its cute and I haven't posted a few weeks so

"She's just so hot," Aline groaned. "It's not fair!"

Alec took another sip of his beer and patted her on the back in sympathy.

"I mean, look at her! She's like a goddess!" She stressed, gesturing wildly to where Helen was laughing and dancing with Magnus.

After meeting Helen and Aline, and knowing how nerve-wracking it was to be a non-straight shadowhunter, Alec had asked Magnus how he'd feel about doing something like a get-together. Just to make sure that Helen and Aline knew they had a few people on their side. 

It had quickly expanded. Magnus had decided that Lorenzo would be the next members of the impromptu get-togethers. Lorenzo and Alec had prodded Andrew into attending. 

The first few times, they'd tried to go out to dinner with everyone. But, with so many different tastes and palettes, that didn't work well. Eventually, they just decided to use the Hunter's Moon as their usual location. Instead of dinner, they all got drunk and had a great time.

"I know," Alec sighed. "He's so beautiful, I love him so much." 

Andrew, their version of a designated driver, snorted and took a sip of his water.

"You two are such sappy drunks." He laughed fondly.

Alec looked at him with a betrayed expression.

"Not sappy," He denied and Aline raised her drink in agreement. "Its just the truth!"

As though he could hear them, Magnus looked over and smiled beautifully.

"Look! It shouldn't be legal! I mean, what if someone is too distracted by how- by how beautiful Magnus is? They could trip or something!"

Andrew shook his head with an amused smile.

"I think you're the only one who falls down stairs at the sight of him, Alec."

Alec scowled like that personally offended him.

"Well, then everyone else is just blind! He's so beautiful! And- and it's even better in bed because his eyes-"

"Oh my god, Helen's ears are so cute and she does this thing-" Aline agreed frantically.

Andrew sighed fondly and turned to to watch Lorenzo. He was bent over the pool table, hustling some new wolf. Maia had told them that they were only allowed to hustle the newbies on the condition that she got half the winnings. It worked out well for all of them. By the time he turned back to his friends, they had moved onto a different topic.

"And besides, what even is his warlock mark? I bet he has a tail!" Alec gasped.

"Or- or fangs!" Aline crowed.

"No!" Alec shook his head emphatically. " 'Cause Andrew never comes into work with hickeys. Unless Lorenzo is as good at makeup as Magnus is, cause Magnus covers them up and you can't even tell they were there!"

"Wait, what if he has an extra dick or something? Or like-"

"My boyfriend does not have an extra dick!" Andrew choked. "He doesn't have fangs, or a tail either."

Magnus and Helen were pushing their way through the dance floor to make their way back to them. They were both glistening and grinning, and Helen plopped down into Aline's lap as soon as they got close.

"Hey, baby!" Helen pressed a quick kiss to her girlfriends cheek before snatching and downing the rest of Aline's beer.

"Darling," Magnus raised an eyebrow. "What on earth have you been talking about that made Andrew turn so red?"

Before Andrew could stop him, Alec grinned.

"Whether or not Lorenzo's warlock mark is an extra dick!" He replied cheerfully.

Alcohol always made Alec's filter non-existent, but Magnus was used to his husbands tendencies at this point, so he just quirked an eyebrow.

"Well, cause, you have your cat eyes, which I love," Magnus gave him a fond nod. "And- And Helen isn't a warlock, but she has her ears. But we don't know what Lorenzo's got."

"Well, as the former high warlock of Brooklyn, I already know." He grinned. "But, it's not my secret to tell. You'll just have to ask him."

Alec groaned, slumping against Magnus with a pout.

"But Lorenzo won't tell us."

Andrew snorted.

"Are you kidding me? That man loves attention. I once asked him what shampoo he used, and he gave me a detailed list of every bath product he's used since 1708."

As though he knew he was being talked about, Lorenzo glided back over.

"Lorenzo!" Aline demanded. "Do you have an extra dick?"

Lorenzo gave her a bewildered look, before turning to his boyfriend for an explanation.

"They're trying to guess what your warlock mark is. So far, they've guessed fangs, a tail, and that."

"I see." Lorenzo smirked. "Well, so far none of those are correct. Would you like me to tell you?"

Alec, Aline, and Helen nodded.

Without saying a word, Lorenzo let him glamour fall.

"Woah, you have scales? Do they protect you?"

"Are they like armor?"

"Do you shed them?"

Andrew watched amused as his boyfriend basked in the attention. He turned to Magnus who was watching them fondly.

"Did he react like that when he saw your eyes for the first time?"

Magnus grinned and shook his head.

"No. We were… very quickly preoccupied with other things. But, he did react like that when he saw Catarina's skin for the first time. He asked her what color she turned when she got sunburnt, if her blood was a different color since she wasn't purple, and did she make her own blue foundation."

"Does she?"

"Of course she does," Magnus snorted. "You think she lived that long without learning how to create makeup to match her skin tone? With me as her friend?"

Conceding the point, Andrew shrugged.

"Who knows? Maybe one day you guys will adopt a little warlock baby with scales or blue skin, and you'll be glad he asked so many questions."

Magnus's cheeks tinged red, and he gave a soft smile.

"Maybe someday. Not yet, though." He gave his husband a fond look. "I think we've got some time left before we even think about it."

"Fair enough. Hey, aren't you going to give a lecture or something at the Shadowhunter academy in a few days? Maybe they have a book in their library with facts about warlock marks."

 

* * *

A few days later, the door to their guest room at the academy slammed open.

_“There is an abandoned baby on the front steps of the Academy and I think  
it’s a warlock!” _

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Kudos are amazing whether its 5 minutes after I post or 50 years!


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